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Bachelor Party Barbecue Sauce What Happened

Let us begin with a little fact-checking. You’re an employed, single guy, with your own place. You eat a lot of fast food because you can’t cook worth a damn, and aren’t that interested in learning how. Tonight is football night, and your buddies are coming over for wings, beer, and the game. Your favorite barbecue joint has just been shut down by the health inspector, and you don’t know where to get the necessary wings. So listen up, here’s what you’re going to do.

Go shopping. Stop by the local thrift store and buy a medium sized sauce pan, then get about five pounds of fresh, not frozen, chicken wings, some ketchup, Worcestershire sauce, a couple of onions, some brown sugar, a lime or two, a very small can of jalapeno peppers, and a bottle of red wine, at the local grocers. You can get all of it for less than fifteen bucks. Go home, put the saucepan on the stovetop, put the wings in the oven, on the oven rack, and turn the oven to 350. Chop up the onions, and throw them into the sauce pan, squeeze the limes over the onions, then pour all the other stuff on top of that, except for the jalapenos, and, be sure to test the red wine before you add it to your soon-to-be barbecue sauce. Turn the burner on to low, and leave it alone.

In about twenty minutes, the wings should be getting brown in the oven, and the barbecue sauce should be at low bubble. Take a look, you can see what I mean. Now, you’re going to need something to spread the sauce over the wings. Use your toothbrush, I won’t tell, and neither should you! Baste almost all the wings evenly with about a third of the barbecue sauce, and let them go for another ten minutes. When the time is up, baste them again, remember to leave some of them un-sauced, and let them bake for another fifteen.

While your wings are doing their final bake, open the can of jalapenos, and add the entire contents to the remaining barbecue sauce. Spread that over the wings you haven’t yet basted, and let them finish cooking. Throw away your toothbrush, as it will be useless after the jalapenos.

By the time your pals arrive, you’ll have some delicious hot wings ready to go. The wings with the jalapeno barbecue sauce are for that one guy, we all know one, who always complains the wings aren’t spicy enough. These will shut him up.

That, my friend, is Bachelor Barbecue Sauce. Enjoy!

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